


of hormones and hurricanes

by toxica939



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 02:04:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11773209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxica939/pseuds/toxica939
Summary: They'd stumbled home, fallen into separate beds; Jacob tucked up under his duvet, Josh half in the sleeping bag on the floor. He'd had carpet burn on his face in the morning, smelled of Jacob's washing powder again.But his face went quiet while Jacob watched him remember.





	of hormones and hurricanes

Jacob's lip stings like hell; bitter copper across his teeth and tongue. He wants to spit but he knows she'll complain, so he swallows it down instead, tries not to gag.

Gabby's dabbing at his face with a balled up tissue, smell of antiseptic and alcohol strong in the air. There's vodka on her breath when she leans in close, hand small and gentle on his cheek.

“You shouldn't let him keep doing this,” she says. “It's not right.”

“No shit,” he says, then shakes his head. He looks down at his swollen knuckles, the rip in the shoulder of his jacket. “I gave as good as I got.”

There's a chunk of hair that's escaped her pony tail, curling around the curve of her neck. There was a time he might have brushed it back, used her to forget all this.

Gabby shakes her head. “And that makes it okay? He's supposed to be your mate.”

And that's just it, isn't it? Whatever they are now, mates definitely doesn't cover it.

:::

They'd been drunk, teetering through the village using each other for balance. Josh had been singing, out of key and too loud for 4am. Jacob shushing him, trying to get a hand over his mouth while his body shook with laughter.

His fingers had caught in the slippery material of Josh's football shirt, curled, held on.

Josh's eyes had been dark pools above his cheekbones, lost to the shadows on his face, nothing but stars and light pollution to see by. He'd been smiling, Jacob thinks, mouth split around a laugh and another verse he'd have gotten the words wrong to.

Jacob had been helpless; beer brave and sick of dancing around it, years of dancing around it. Hands touching, hearts racing; dating Gabby and Liv and Kate and Bethany and any of the other parade of girls Josh hides behind.

Kissing him was easy, in the end. Terrifying. Like flying. Or maybe that was the drink talking.

Josh had gasped into his mouth, lips tense and stubborn like the rest of him. And then Jacob had drawn him nearer, fit their chests together, melted him.

They'd kissed until their lips felt numb, until Jacob was lightheaded. Hands mapping shoulders, wiry biceps, the velvet softness of Josh's hair.

Josh had given a hiccupping laugh when they'd finally parted, breath warm on Jacob's face.

They'd stumbled home, fallen into separate beds, Jacob tucked up under his duvet, Josh half in the sleeping bag on the floor. He'd had carpet burn on his face in the morning, smelled of Jacob's washing powder again.

But his face went quiet while Jacob watched him remember.

:::

It's been like this since then.

:::

Josh is slumped in the passenger seat of Liv's car. Jacob can see him frowning through the windscreen while Liv talks. She keeps bashing her hand against the steering wheel and he watches Josh flinch in time.

Gabby is a warm weight behind him, pulling the door shut. It's been raining and the path is wet. Jacob's ribs ache.

“Let's hope she's having more luck with him than I did with you,” Gabby says. She's got her hands in the pockets of the coat he's leant her, so he has no choice but to fold his arms against the evening chill.

“She normally does,” Jacob says meanly. And it makes him feel mean, saying it. Gabby was never supposed to be collateral damage.

She gives him a look, glances back at the car. “Do you want to go home?” she asks.

“Like this?”

“They must have seen worse,” she points out. She shrugs, elbows flapping. “Come on then.”

It's warm in the car. There's a suit jacket on the backseat and Jacob sits on it.

“You look better than I thought you would,” Liv says. She's looking at him funny and her cheeks are red, so either Josh has been annoying her or they're back on.

Maybe it's both, Jacob thinks, looks out the window instead of fastening his seat belt.

:::

It had taken Jacob a week to corner him. Get him shoved up against the wall.

“What you doing?” Josh had asked, trying to shrug him away. His eyes had been wide, panicked, like the girls downstairs might hear them.

“I'm sick of this,” Jacob said. “You can't keep pretending this isn't happening.”

Josh had slumped in his hold, knocked his head back against the wall, said, “I don't know what you're talking about,” and Jacob had seen red.

:::

It's not the first fight they've had, probably won't be the last.

:::

Liv drives them up into the hills, where the air is mist and Emmerdale is a speck in the distance. There's a burger van in the lay by, locked up for the day. The air smells like farm animals.

Jacob paces away from the car, wraps his arms around himself again.

“Here,” there's a weight over his shoulders, Josh settling his coat there. Jacob has half a mind to shrug it off but the warmth settles through his bones and he shoves his arms into it instead, draws it closed across his chest. It smells like Josh. He wishes that didn't do something complicated to his insides.

Josh's sits on the low wall Jacob's looking out over, looks up at him. “Sorry about your face.”

Jacob nods, chews his broken lip to feel it smart. “Sorry about yours.”

There's a bruise purpling at the corner of Josh's eye, a cut across the bridge of his nose. He shrugs. “I probably deserved it.”

Jacob nods again. He didn't. He doesn't deserve that, he never has. It hurts that this is where they've ended up.

“You kissed me,” Josh says.

The sky is grey as far as Jacob can see. “You kissed me back.”

That gets him a wince, Josh's trainers scuffing at the ground. “Yeah.”

Maybe that's it, maybe that's the best he can hope for.

Jacob glances back at the car. The girls are leant against it passing a cigarette back and forth. Grey on grey on grey.

“You and Liv are back on then?” Jacob asks, he's trying to sound breezy, like Gabby did when he finished things, but he's not sure he can pull it off.

Josh snorts. “You're joking, aren't you? She thinks I'm a prick.”

“She's got a point.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Josh shifts until his knee is resting against Jacob's thigh. It's probably not on purpose but Jacob finds himself holding his breath any way.

“I told her,” Josh says.

Jacob can't help but look at him now. “About what?”

A blink. Wide, wet eyes, the bob of Josh's throat when he swallows. “You. Us. Whatever.”

“There's an us?”

Josh knocks him with his knee, almost takes Jacob's leg out from under him. “You're my best mate, aren't you?”

Right. Mates. That again.

It must show on his face because Josh softens. In that way he has, that's always made Jacob want to protect him. Even when it was the stupidest thing he could do.

Josh reaches out, fingers catching the hem of his coat where it's wrapped around Jacob. He tugs until Jacob has no choice but to step up between his spread knees.

The coat hangs open and Josh's forehead drops to the heaving planes of Jacob's belly. “You're my best mate,” Josh says again. Jacob can feel him breathing through the material of his shirt, damp heat against his skin.

He darts a look at the girls, back in the car now, windows fogged up. His hands are trembling when he settles them on Josh's shoulders, squeezes.

“You're mine, too,” he tells him. Means it how it sounds.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> join me on tumblr, i'm vckaarrob


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